Toddlers Suck

Toddlers suck. Yup, I went there. I said it. It’s out in the open. For those of you who have toddlers, you know what I mean. For those who haven’t reached this stage yet, you’ll find out what I mean soon enough. There seems to be no satisfying them. One minute they are all snuggly and lovey, the next they are on the ground throwing a tantrum over who knows what. “No” is the favorite word, and it is used quite often. Understanding what they are trying to say is like putting a puzzle together. Sometimes you can figure the word out, sometimes you can’t. Heaven forbid you get the word wrong, though. Another tantrum might be the end result. But figure it out, and you have one happy toddler. (And you can breathe a sigh of relief that you had it right!) Another victory. Pat yourself on the back, because there will be times when you feel like you just can’t win.

Yet this isn’t your life. Not all the time. Yes, there are tantrums. Every child (and even some adults!) have them. Looking back on it, you won’t remember many of these tantrums. But you’ll remember moments like this:


“Mommy, shoes off.” My daughter takes off down the hall as I remove my slippers.

The pitter patter of her running off down the hall, only to return with my flip flops a few seconds later.

“Mommy, shoes on.” I take the flip flops and put them on.

“Me shoes.” And off we go to find her shoes. (No flip flops for her, it has to be the Mary Janes.)

After her shoes are on, the same scenario for Daddy, if he is home, occurs.

We both share a smile, knowing full well what is coming next – “outside” or “car ride”.

Despite how long of a day of we both have had or how hot it is outside, we know we cannot deny our daughter this request. Sometimes we postpone the trip (because usually her requests fall around dinner time, naturally). But unless it is raining or snowing, outside we go. Thankfully, by the time dinner is over, there are times when we are spared an extra trip. Attention span of toddlers? Not very long. Remembering wanting to go outside was a request of the past. Instead we make other memories: hide and seek, chasing each other around the house, or just sitting together on the couch watching an episode of Mickey before bed.

As for putting the house back in order? One thing I’ve learned over the last few months can be summed up in a little ditty:

“Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow

For babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow

So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep

I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”

The dishes will get done, the toys and books put away. What’s more important, though, is being present with my daughter. Being nurturing, caring, loving, and spending time with her. Modeling right from wrong. Not giving in to every request and disciplining when necessary. Letting her know early on that life is not fair, but that I love her. Time is precious. I don’t want to miss out on those little moments I may never get back.

So if you don’t mind, I’m going to go rock my baby now.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

So, the other day I had this conversation with my three-year-old.
Lily: “I wish I had a different mommy.”
Me: “Why?”
Lily: “Because you’re not that pretty and I want my mommy to be really super pretty.”
Me: “Aww, that makes me feel sad.”
Lily: “Why?”
Me: “Because I like being your mommy.”
Lily: (clearly trying to make me feel better, but really just digging the hole deeper) “Well, I like it too…just not that much.”
Kids say the darndest things, right? Luckily, we were having a pretty good day so I just laughed it off, but there have been days when I know this would have sent me to tears. I know, I know, she’s three, she doesn’t mean that she actually wishes she had a different mom. But when you spend day in and day out pouring your heart, soul, energy, sleep, everything into this little person and she wants another mom…. some days it doesn’t seem so funny!

Leaving My Baby

I did it. I left my baby for the first time. Now don’t get me wrong, my “baby” is three and a half, and I was only gone for 2 nights, but to us it was a big deal. I went to the New York Baby Show with some other members of the Bessie’s team. We live in Pennsylvania, so it was only about three and a half hours away, but from beginning to end I was gone for 60 hours. I’m going into this detail because I know different families have different definitions of “long” trips. We travel often, we love to vacation, but we always go together. I didn’t plan on breastfeeding for over three years, or ending up in my daughter’s bed every morning, or any of the other “attachment parenting” things we do (in fact, I don’t even know what else falls into that category because I’ve always just done what works for us and not worried about what box it fits into). Anyway, I didn’t plan on any of those things, but the truth is that Lily and I are super co-dependent. That’s the truth. I wasn’t sure how either one of us was going to survive the weekend, but with the magic of video calls, and a great daddy, we made it. To be completely honest I did way better than I expected, I was super busy during the day which definitely helped, but at nighttime I just missed her. Of course, that was also the time that I knew would be hardest for her (which is probably why it was hardest for me) and although she stayed up later than usual, and was definitely more emotional, she got through it too. She was ready and waiting when I walked in the door with a big hug and a flower that she had picked for me, then after about 5 minutes of basking in the glory of being together, it was back to business as usual. I’m not looking forward to leaving her again, but I feel like we took a huge step and I’m proud of us!

My Mother

Mother is such a precious name

And once she’s gone, it’s not the same.

With all of her suffering and her pain

She very seldom did complain.

 

When I was a child I never knew

Of all the things that mothers do.

Why she would worry and sometimes cry,

Now I’m a mother and I know why.

 

Some friends will say to my surprise,

“Why do you bake such cakes and pies?”

My mother is gone so don’t you see?

There’s no one to bake my goodies but me.

 

When she’d make a cake, I’d stand by her

And say, “Now, Mom, please let me stir.”

For pies, when she would make the dough,

She’d say, “Be sure to add the water slow.”

 

At mealtime there was many a day

That I remember of hearing her say,

If others were there, no matter who,

“Come eat with us, there’s plenty for you.”

 

She was a saving and thrifty soul,

She’d sew up a rip or darn a hole,

And save up grease for homemade soap,

“Now this should last a year, I hope.”

 

After the garden she’d work and hoe,

Then off to town a day she’d go,

And buy us things we’d have to use,

Like pencils, crayons, socks and shoes.

 

She’d buy yard goods, buttons and thread,

No bought dresses, Mom made them instead.

She’d use each piece of else feel guilt,

And use the patches to make a quilt.

 

Under her guidance we learned to work,

And of our duties never to shirk.

To go to church and Sunday school,

And always obey the golden rule.

 

When we were sick, we’d lay there on that couch that was so old,

Whether it was a stomach ache or maybe just a cold.

Sometimes she’d say, “Just lay there and take a nice long rest.”

Or fix us a nutmeg plaster and put upon our chest.

 

And always on each holiday, she’d go to so much fuss.

Cause Mom was in her glory when doing things for us.

I never will forget all the food that she would fix

To put upon the table for her family of six.

 

How I craved her goodies, guess I’ll never change,

Like the cherry dumplings that she made upon her range.

Another of our favorites that she used to make

Was that good coconut hot milk sponge cake.

 

There was nothing at our home had a better appeal,

Than mom in the kitchen preparing a meal.

I like to recall that homey atmosphere,

Though she kept us busy, you need not fear.

 

Now bring a sack of cobs and fill the box with wood.

And on a cool fall evening it always was so good

To come into the kitchen and smell the chicken stew,

After husking corn all day and doing the milking, too.

 

I’ll remember those years at the old homestead,

How we’d run up the stairs and crawl into bed.

And then in the winter the beat of the rains,

The bang of the shutters and the rattling panes.

 

I like to think about home sweet home,

And treasure the memories of my mom.

When I asked her favorite verse, her reply would be,

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthened me.”

Slow Down Time

Slow down time, slow down

“You are my sunshine and Daddy’s sunshine. You make us happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear how much we love you. Please don’t take our sunshine away. You are our sunshine, our golden sunshine. You make us happy every day. You’ll never know dear how much we love you. Please don’t take our sunshine away.”

No doubt about it, my little girl brightens my day on the darkest of days and on the brightest as well. Two years old. In a matter of days, my little girl will be two. Where did the time go? When did my helpless little baby who just fed, cried, slept, and pooped turn into the active, communicative, boisterous toddler that she is today?

I cherish the rare occasions she wants to curl up on my lap on the couch – those moments Daddy has more of. But I definitely receive more kisses (which I every so often rub in Daddy’s face, because I can 🙂 ). The random hugs and hearing her call our names for no reason at all just warms my heart. It doesn’t take much anymore for a smile to spread across my face. Watching my daughter run around like a chicken with its head cut off or just quietly playing bring me joy. 

So many milestones and developments have been achieved. I often wonder what goes on in that tiny developing brain of hers. The gears never seem to stop turning. Sometimes I want to be a mind reader, not just for that reason, but so I can ease her fears, take away the pain, or just simply give her food when I have trouble reading the signs of when she’s hungry. 

As she continues to grow up and her language becomes more fluid, I know this won’t be an issue. Until then, some days it is still a guessing game. She and I are in this together. New to this parenting/kid thing. I’d like to think it’s gone pretty well so far. Some days are rougher than others. That’s just life, though. 

I look forward to the stage that comes next. But please time, slow down just a bit. I’m not quite ready for my baby girl to grow up. Not yet. 

 

~Meggie Peg

Siblings

My 3-year- old daughter told me the other day that she wishes I had lots of kids so that she’d always have someone to play with. Those of you who read this blog regularly know that before she was born we had a son who died in a car accident. So, although Lily has a brother, she feels like an only child. We’re done having kids, my husband and I are both very happy with our family. It wasn’t very long ago that we thought we’d never be happy again, so why mess with it right? But then our little girl starts talking about wanting siblings and suddenly I’m rethinking everything we’ve decided. My sister just had a baby, that’s three kids for her (one of which is Lily’s very best friend and the closest thing she has to a sister), so I know babies are on everyone’s brain, but still. Is wanting to give your child a sibling a good enough reason to have another baby? I’m not so sure. I mean, having a baby is a huge decision…should I really let my 3-year-old make that decision for our entire family? Part of me thinks it’s selfish of me to NOT have more kids, but the other part of me knows that our easy, go with the flow, no nap, no diaper bag, no kids bickering lifestyle is at stake. I know we’d love another just as much as the two we’ve already had, that’s not the issue. My worry is if we’d love our LIFE as much. If I found out I was pregnant tomorrow I’d be asking myself totally different questions, but doing it on purpose is a whole nother story…and I’m not sure I want to tell it.

Am I Doing Something Wrong?

Is there ever a moment when you don’t feel like you have 1,000,000 things to do? I know this is a blog, so you’re thinking that that is a rhetorical question…but it’s not. I genuinely want to know if I’m doing something wrong in this whole mom life thing, or if this is how all (most) moms feel on a daily basis. I’m getting ready to host Easter dinner next week, so I want to clean, decorate, mow the grass and plant a few flowers in the next week on top of my usual responsibilities. I haven’t even started my “Bessie’s work” for this week and there’s been a Facebook advertising training that I’ve been attempting to complete for a month. It seems like my day to day jobs (see blog “A Week In My Life”) are all I can get done in 24 hours. I know some people just stay up as late as they need to, or get up super early, to get done whatever they need to do. I have two problems with that. First, my 3-year-old still doesn’t sleep through the night. Not only does this mean I don’t get a lot of sleep as it is, but it also means that her sleep depends on me. I can’t get up early because she believes that if I get up she must get up too. It doesn’t matter how careful I am…. she wakes up soon after I get up. Second, I am an absolute nightmare when I am too tired. I admit it. If I’m overly tired from several nights of little sleep I am an emotional sobbing mess by 10:00. So, when am I supposed to get everything done? I know that I’m not busier than a normal mom, I’ve got a great life, this is not me complaining. This is a real question. Please comment. Tell me. Am I doing something wrong or is it normal to feel like I always have a ton of things to do?

The Feather

Feathers. Look up the symbolism behind them, and you’ll find many different interpretations. One interesting one was “fertility”. I wear a feather bracelet daily – for me, however, it symbolizes strength. It reminds me of my village, my tribe, who never let me give up. Even on my roughest days, looking down at my wrist and seeing my feather, I am reminded to keep chugging along. Because that’s what we all do. I know that for all the times I want to call it quits, I can’t. None of my momma friends have, so I have no choice but to follow suit. Strength. Hope. Fertility…

Ah, back to fertility. Definitely not the symbolism I would have thought, but after all my readings, I understand why feathers are symbolic of this. It strikes a bit of a sour chord with me, though. “When’s number two coming along?” :Sigh: Over and over the last few weeks this question keeps popping up. Inside I want to just scream. But outside I remain calm and collected and just give the same answer over and over. I feel like a broken record. To be honest, it’s no one’s business. But at the same time, I know that those asking aren’t trying to be nosy. It’s just a genuine question that has been on their minds. Something to talk about now that my daughter is almost two.

Although more people are aware of my daily struggles, they still can’t relate. So in asking of this question, as innocent as it may be, no one truly understands how nerve racking (at least on the inside) this has become for me. I want a second child. I really do. Yet at this stage in my life it may not be in the picture. Physically I could handle carrying another child. Caring for that baby? I think I could. Yet I have seen within my village the struggles that each momma with multiple children has dealt with daily. And though they have overcome them, I am not sure mentally I can handle this. At least not at this stage in my life. Anxiety still plays too big a part. 

God’s plan for whether or not child number two will be revealed in time. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. Until then, I will just keep swimming. Everyone has their own journey. One child is a blessing. Many women struggle to conceive. Whether or not one child or multiple children are in the cards for any woman is a part of her own journey. It is a part of my own journey yet to be revealed. As difficult as it is at times to not take the “When’s kid number two coming along?” question personally, I know I must step back and just breathe. Remember that my path has been set for me, my journey is my own. And for any other momma who can relate, I hope you remember this as well. Breathe in. Breathe out. Any decision you make is the right one. Follow your heart. Trust your instinct. I know I will. 

~Meggie Peg

Night Nursing Thoughts

What runs through mama’s head while night nursing…

“Nighty night, baby. I love these cuddles.”

“I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.”

(wakes up suddenly) “Man, how long was I out? I wish I could see the clock”

“It must be about 3:00, but I can’t reach my phone.”

“I can hear the clock, but that doesn’t do me any good! I can’t see in the dark!”

“Calm down, it doesn’t matter what time it is, just relax and enjoy your baby.”

“OW! She must have another tooth coming in.”

“Maybe if I just lay her down really slowly……NOPE! Here have the boob, just stop crying!”

What am I gonna wear tomorrow? Maybe..no, that won’t work, if tomorrow is anything like tonight I’m going to need an easy access shirt.”

“Please please please, just stay asleep.”

“I just wanna lay down in my own bed.”

“Daddy’s over there sleeping, It’s so not fair, he just doesn’t get it.”

“I’m not being fair, he offers to help, but what can he do when she just wants boob?”

“They say some day I’m going to miss this.”

“I. Just. Want. Sleep.”

(wakes up suddenly again) “OK, it’s gotta be close to morning by now, I’ve been here forever.”

“If I can just….reach….my…phone….Got it!….”

“OMG IT’S ONLY BE 20 MINUTES!”

 

“Let Me Go!”

Shopping with a 3 year old to the tune of “Let It Go”

 

There’ll be no peace, not in Target today

Not a moment to be seen

A kingdom of explosions

And it looks like she’s the queen

The kid is howling

It’s a swirling storm inside

Couldn’t keep it in

Heaven knows I’ve tried

Don’t be too loud, don’t let them see

Be the good girl that you pretend to be

Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know

Well, now they know

“Let me go, let me go!”

Can’t hold her back anymore

“Let me go, let me go!”

Turn away she’ll slam the door

I don’t care what they’re going to say

But the storm’ll rage on

The stares never bothered me anyway.

It’s funny how such screaming,

Comes out of someone so small,

and the fears that once controlled her,

don’t work now at all.

I don’t know what else to do.

She tests the limits and breaks through.

No right, no wrong, no rules from me!

She’s three!

“Let me go, let me go!”

She’s one with the wind and sky!

“Let me go, let me go!”,

Please, oh please don’t cry!

There she stands and there she’ll stay!

Let the storm rage on!

My power’s useless, there are people all around!

My head is spinning she is screaming on the ground!

And one thought crystalizes like an icy blast!

I’m never getting home

the peace is in the past.

“Let me go, let me go!”

But she’s off like a marathon

“Let me go, let me go!”

That perfect girl is gone!

Here we stand in the light of day!

Let the storm rage on,

the stares never bothered me anyway.

 

Page 1 of 6

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén